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Communication Chemistry through Constructive Conflict
It takes just a hint of conflict to spark anxiety. We value getting along with others. We hope our communication can remain civil, measured and calm. Some avoid conflict altogether. Others try to squash it as quickly as possible.
Yet each person differs on how they view issues. This requires us to forge pathways for airing differences, in order to explore, innovate and create. Mixing our ideas, outlooks, backgrounds and strengths is the essence of communication chemistry.
Communication chemistry is best defined as dialogue that builds bonds and vital connections. It brings about increased productivity, innovation and growth. A continuous, open, energetic flow of communication ignites a team's ability to juggle competing priorities and respond to each one effectively.
Conflict occurs when the diverse views of one or more individuals triggers a heightened emotional reaction. It can arise from any clash of feelings or viewpoints that leads to misunderstanding, misperception or even a standoff.
Constructive conflict allows space for discussing differences, while maintaining the positive communication chemistry that preserves workplace relationships.
Distinguishing between constructive and destructive conflict will help you avoid destructive conflict (DC), while embracing constructive conflict (CC).
Recognizing distinctions between the two will help you to avoid stumbling into the realm of DC. Here are a few comparisons:
| Destructive Conflict (DC) | Constructive Conflict (CC) |
|---|---|
| Features loud, sarcastic tones of voice, facial expressions and gestures that are designed to intimidate. | Characterized by calm, measured vocal tones. There might be some extra energy and emphatic stress on words. Yet constructive communicators avoid tones that can raise anxiety or defenses. |
| Places little value on preserving relationships. Frequently it devolves into disrespect, insults or bullying, to push an agenda. | Values the relationship even MORE than changing others' minds, in the moment. The focus is on establishing a collaborative partnership to explore new ideas, examine creative opportunities and tests new solutions. |
| Aims to influence others to see things in ONE way only. Binary thinking goes something like this: "I am 100 percent right and everyone who doesn't see it my way is 100 percent wrong." | Seeks ways to listen deeply, hearing another's point of view before jumping to a conclusion. It recognizes that there are gray areas in which each can learn from the others' vision in order to find a better solution than either one envisioned. |
| Can create an impasse or standoff as when someone states, "There's just no communicating with ......" | Continues to seek new pathways to reach a place of discussion. Sometimes this requires going back in time to establish a deeper context for the discussion, explaining the "whys" behind a difficult topic and searching for an access path that will reach others, building trust. |
| Suffers from tunnel vision and short-sightedness. One or more of the parties take a stance that ignores the contextual history of the issues involved, rejects long-term consequences and questions why anyone would bring up either. The focus is on the here and now and the determination that their ideas are correct. | Is rooted in forgiveness. There's acceptance and understanding that others might not see the number of issues impacting the situation clearly. There's a high degree of patience with explaining and outlining the context, the details and the vision. A pause can allow time for reflection. |
| Is conflict that constricts by erecting walls, defenses and barriers to new ideas. This results in an impasse as the flow of communication is blocked. There’s no room for deep reflection or enlightenment to emerge. | Is conflict that expands by maintaining openness and ease. These qualities engage others, giving them a sense of security, even when you venture into difficult topics. As a skilled communicator facilitates a positive communication journey through a challenging subject, they begin to possess the magnetic leadership quality known as charisma. |
| Leans towards heightened emotions, often failing to articulate clear objectives. | Relies on communication strategies and tactics, keeping a laser-like focus on objectives. |
With CC absent, your team’s communication chemistry can become dull and stagnant. When grounded in communication confidence, skill and trust, CC will fuel, strengthen and preserve your team bonds. CC provides energy for productive discussions. Demonstrating your comfort with CC reveals your credibility, competence and professionalism. You never need to fear conflict. CC is simply a positive exchange of ideas with others as you join to imagine and explore new solutions to old problems.
Gloria Thomas is known as The Communication Wizard. She is the founder and chief communication strategist of Wizard Workforce Development, a communication consulting, coaching and training company. Her upcoming Henrico classes include, Communication Lab: Increase Your Interpersonal Effectiveness and Diversity & Workplace Communication, which can be found in the 2017-2018 training catalog in HRMS. For more information about this topic or any other communication questions, contact Gloria at (804)674-6111 or send her an email.